


In My Recovery

by HazzaBearStyles



Series: Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Cuddles, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mitch is the best bro, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 11:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16218380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazzaBearStyles/pseuds/HazzaBearStyles
Summary: Prompt: Can you do a Harry Centric one where Harry was abused in his Previous relationship (you don’t have to be graphic) and he’s on his tour and he gets freaked out or has a panic attacks and one was one stage so it’s all over Twitter and his boyfriends drop their press and X factor and tour to go help him out for a month?





	In My Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This broke my heart to write, I’ll have you know! I hope y’all like it!
> 
> Warning(s): abuse/non-graphic abuse; nightmares about abuse; anxiety/panic attacks; overprotective boyfriends

Harry fell down as he was backhanded across the face. He cried out when a foot stepped down on his hand and pressed hard on it. He looked up with watery green eyes at the person who was causing him so much pain.

“Russel,” He begged. “Please stop. I am so sorry.”

“Did I say you could talk?” Russel demanded as he kicked Harry in the stomach.

Pain shot through the curly-haired boy’s stomach as his boyfriend hit him again and again. 

“YOU’VE BEEN CHEATING HAVEN’T YOU!?! IT’S ALL OVER THE NEWS! YOU AND THAT TWAT LOUIS.”

“I-I hav-haven’t! I promise. They’re all lies.” Harry tried to plead with Russel but his pleas only fell on deaf ears. 

“You know what?” Russel smirked down at the cowering eighteen-year-old. “I’ll make damn sure that this is never an issue again. I’ll show you who you belong to.” He unzipped his pants.

Harry stopped breathing at that. No. Oh God please no. Russel had never taken it this far before. Please, not that. “Russel. Please no. I’m sorry. Please don’t do this. No. NO. NOOOOO.”

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- 

Harry bolted up in his bed, a silent scream forming on his lips. He looked around frantically for any signs of danger. Seeing that there were none and realizing that he was safe on the tour bus on his way to Colorado, Harry began to cry in relief. This wasn’t the first time this month that he had had that nightmare but he hadn’t had it in two years now. He began to feel his breath quicken and he recognized the beginning of a panic attack. 

He frantically searched for his phone, breathing becoming harder and harder to do. Finding what he was looking for, Harry dialed the first number he came across.

“Hazza?” A familiar Irish accent sounded through the phone. “Isn’t it 3 in the morning where you are? Why are you calling so late?”

Harry let out a choked sob. “N-N-Nial…”

Niall was suddenly more alert. “Baby? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I…c-can-’t br-breathe.” Harry choked out feeling himself grow lightheaded. 

“OK, baby. It’s going to be OK.” Niall soothed. “Just try and match my breathing.”

Harry nodded, even though he knew Niall couldn’t see it. “O-O-OK.” He started to imitate his boyfriend’s breathing and soon he felt himself begin to calm down.

“Haz?” Niall questioned gently. “Are you OK now? Are you breathing alright?”

“Y-yes.” Harry stuttered. He took a deep calming breath and tried again. “Yes.”

“OK, baby. Good. You’re OK. And you’re safe. I’m here.” Niall continued in a soothing voice.

Harry sniffled. “Thank you, Ni. I love you.”

“I love you too.” It was silent for a few moments before Niall spoke again. “Do you want to talk about it, Haz?”

Harry rubbed a hand over his wet eyes and sighed knowing that Niall wouldn’t let it go. “I… had a nightmare.”

“Aw, baby,” Niall said sympathetically. 

“It was about him,” Harry whispered. 

There was silence on the other end and Harry feared that he had lost Niall. “Ni?”

There was cursing on the other end before Niall was taking a deep calming breath. “I’m still here, Haz. I’m sorry.” Niall took another calming breath as he thought about all the pain that he had put his boyfriend through. “Do you want to talk about it, Haz?” 

“No…” Harry whispered but he sighed deciding to anyway. “It was about that day. The one when you guys found out about what he was doing.”

Niall remembered that day well. They all did. It was a day that haunted them all. Harry had not shown up at home and it was past midnight when Zayn finally received the call. 

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- 

Five years ago

“Harry? Oh, thank God.” Zayn sighed in relief. “Where are you? The lads and I have been losing our minds. Are you with Russel? Because if you are that’s fine but we would still like to know that you’re OK!” 

There was silence on the other line and Zayn started to get worried again.

“Harry? Are you there?” Zayn became alarmed when he heard sobs.

At this point, Louis, Liam, and Niall were all looking at Zayn in concern.

“Z-Z-Zay-Zayn…”

“Hazza? What is it? What’s wrong?” Zayn asked heart starting to beat faster and faster in worry. 

“What’s going on, Zayn?” Liam asked, now standing up.

“Za-Zayn… it hurts.” Harry whimpered. “It hurts so much.”

“What hurts, babe? What’s going on?” Zayn asked, trying to remain calm for Harry’s sake.

“He’s hurt?” Louis asked in alarm. “How bad is it?”

“Ru-Russel… he- he… Oh God, it hurts, Zaynie.” Harry sobbed again.

Zayn felt a surge of protective rage when he heard that. Russel had done something to hurt Harry? The bastard was dead. Dead meat. 

“Where are you, Haz?” Zayn asked, slipping on his jacket and shoes and motioning for the other guys to do the same. “We’re coming to get you.”

“I-I’m at his house but he left.” Harry whimpered again. “Please hurry… I don’t want to be here.”

“We’re on our way. And I’ll stay on the phone with you until we get there.” Zayn promised as he and the other lads piled into Liam’s car. 

Zayn told them where to go and then he and Niall gently tried to soothe Harry as they made their way to Russel’s flat. None of them knew what to expect or how bad off their friend was going to be. They really weren’t expecting what they found. 

“Harry?” Liam asked in shock as he got out of the car. 

Harry stood up on shaky legs and the others saw what had shocked Liam. Harry was covered in bruises. He had a black eye, a busted lip and a big cut on his forehead. He was cradling one of his arms to his chest and his clothes were torn. Harry took one look at their shocked faces and let out a choked sob. 

That was all it took for the other boys to spring into action. They all scrambled out of the car and ran to their youngest friend. Harry fell into the arms of the first one that reached him which happened to be Louis. Harry started crying his heart out absolutely shattering the hearts of the boys surrounding him. 

Liam slipped into ‘Daddy Direction’ mode after a few moments. “Come on, love.” He wrapped his jacket around Harry’s shoulders. “Let’s get you into the warm car and out of the cold.”

Harry nodded against Louis’ chest and attempted to walk to Liam’s car. Harry didn’t make it two steps before his knees gave out from under him. Louis quickly caught him and steadied him. 

“It’s OK, love. I’ve got you.” Louis whispered to him. “Can you walk to the car?” 

Harry tried to stand up again but ended up shaking his head no. “It hurts to walk.” He whispered. 

“OK,” Louis soothed. “I’ve got you.” He carefully adjusted his friend’s weight and slowly stood up with him in his arms. Louis carried him back to the car and carefully sat him down in the backseat, mindful of his injuries. 

“We need to get him to a hospital,” Niall said as he slid in next to Harry, wrapping an arm around his shivering friend. 

The other boys all nodded in agreement. Liam got back into the driver’s seat, Zayn right next to him and, after checking on Harry, Niall, and Louis in the back seat, took off towards the nearest hospital.

 

The rest of the night had gone by in a blur for them. Once they had learned the extent of Harry’s injuries and how he had gotten them, Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn had gone on a rampage. They wanted Russel to suffer for everything that he had done to Harry, but they were also not willing to leave Harry’s side. 

Harry wouldn’t let anyone near him but the boys and Anne and Gemma. It took him days to be able to walk and move around comfortably and even longer to trust anyone else. He had nightmares every night unless one or all of the boys were with him. Throughout it all Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn didn’t leave and supported him unconditionally. It was a long road, but Harry made it through.

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~-

Present Day

“I wish you were here to hold me,” Harry admitted as he lay back down in bed. “I miss you. All of you.”

“I miss you too, baby. And I know the other lads miss you as well.” “Niall replied. “And we all love you so so much.”

Harry smiled at that. “I love you, too.” He closed his eyes suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him. “Thank you for talking to me,” He yawned out.

Niall chuckled at that. “You never need to thank me. I’m here for you no matter what. Now get some sleep. You have rehearsals in the morning.”

Harry fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~-

Two days later

Harry took a deep calming breath as he shook off his nerves. “OK, Styles.” He said to himself. “You can do this. You’ve done it so many times before.” But no matter what Harry tried to tell himself, he still had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt like something was going to go wrong tonight. To be honest, he had been feeling like this since he started having that nightmare and even more so after his talk with Niall the other night. He couldn’t quite explain why, but he felt like he was being followed and watched. He hadn’t felt this in danger since… him…

“Hey, mate, are you OK?”

Harry turned to look at Mitch who had asked the question. He smiled reassuringly at his friend. “I’m alright, Mitch. Just a little tired I think.” Harry stood up and clapped a hand on Mitch’s shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll be fine once we start.”

Mitch didn’t look too convinced but decided to let things go, opting to keep a close eye on the younger man. “You ready to do this, Har?” Mitch asked as they walked out of Harry’s dressing room together. 

“Born ready,” Harry replied, donning a pair of sunglasses and trying to act cool. 

Mitch only laughed at him. “Dork.”

Harry stuck his tongue out at the older man who had become like a brother to him. “Mean.” 

The guitarist just grabbed Harry and wrapped an arm around his neck and brought Harry’s head down, ruffling his hair. “You love it though, Har. Admit it!”

“Ah no! I won’t!” Harry laughed. 

“Admit it or I won’t let up!” Mitch said. 

After a few seconds, Harry could hardly control his breathing from laughing so hard. “OK!” He shouted. “I admit it! Stop! I can’t breathe.”

Mitch finally let go of Harry, laughing as well. “Glad to see you’re feeling better, little brother.” 

Harry wiped his eyes of the tears and smiled. “Thanks, big brother.”

“Now let’s give them a show they won’t forget,” Mitch replied.

And it was a show that would not soon be forgotten. Just not in the way they were hoping.

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~-

The show started off great. Harry was dancing around and joking with his band. He even brought a few fans on stage to sing ‘Kiwi’ with him. He was having the time of his life until he sat down on his bar stool to sing ‘Sign of the Times’. Harry looked out at the audience of the fans that he loved so much. He made a point to make eye contact with everyone he could as he poured his heart out into the song. It was a set of familiar ice blue eyes that made him pause. 

Those eyes that had haunted his nightmares for months. That had caused him so much mental, emotional and physical pain. They were there. Right there. Staring at him. Mocking him. Daring him to try anything. That was the problem with Harry right now though. He couldn’t do anything because he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe. He was frozen.

Harry wasn’t aware of anything else going on. He wasn’t aware of the fact that the music had stopped or that the stadium had quieted down or that Mitch was now approaching him in concern. He wasn’t even aware that it was Mitch who reached out a hand to him. All that he was aware of, was someone touching him. Suffocating him. Hurting him. 

Harry yelled out in fear and recoiled as if the hand had burned him. With that single touch, Harry fell to the ground crying and struggling for breath. It was becoming so hard to take in air that black spots began to dance in front of his vision. He was vaguely aware of someone yelling his name. The last thing he remembered was seeing the same ice blue pair of eyes staring at him as he passed out. 

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- 

Louis grumbled loudly as he was awoken from a deep sleep. Whoever it was better have a damn good reason for waking him up at… 3:30 IN THE MORNING!?! What the bloody hell? He had the X-Factor in the morning! He reached over for his phone and smashed the talk button.

“What!?” he snapped, not caring at all that he sounded harsh. 

“Louis, you need to check your Twitter right now.” Lottie’s voice came through. “It’s Harry.”

Louis felt his world stop at those two words. “Harry? What is it? What’s wrong with him, Lottie?”

“I’m not sure,” his sister replied. “But I think he had some sort of panic attack at his show last night and it’s all over Twitter.” 

“Shit…” Louis cursed as he sat up in bed and threw his covers off. “OK, thank you for letting me know, Lotts.”

He hung up with his sister and immediately opened his Twitter app. He didn’t have to spend time searching because #HarryStylesPanicAttack was number one on trending. What Louis saw broke his heart. 

What happened to @ HarryStyles tonight? My baby was hurting but I don’t know why!

@ HarryStyles I think you’re working too much. You need to take a break, love.

There were clips from his Denver show all over of him freezing in the middle of his song and then dropping to the floor, crying.

Louis cursed again as he exited out of Twitter and searched for the next available flight to Colorado. His Haz needed him. The X-Factor and everything else could wait. After booking his flight, he went into his contacts to call his other boyfriends. Harry needed all of them.

“Mate, do you have any idea what time it is?” Liam asked on the other line.

“Li, it’s Harry,” Louis said frantically as he packed a suitcase. 

Silence and then, “What happened?”

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- 

Harry sat with his knees hugged to his chest, trying desperately to calm himself down. He was aware of Mitch somewhere off to his side trying to help him calm down. He had woken up in his dressing room, lying on the couch. It only took seconds for everything to come rushing back and Harry suddenly found himself in his current position. 

“Har…” Mitch called out. “Harry are you with me?” 

Mitch looked like he wanted to reach out and draw Harry into a hug but he was refraining knowing that Harry wasn’t ready for body contact yet. For that, Harry was grateful. 

Harry turned frightened green eyes to look at Mitch and the older man’s heart ached for his little brother. 

“Oh, Har. What happened out there? Do you want me to call them? Is there anything I can do for you?” Mitch asked.

Harry shook his head. “No…” He replied, voice raspy. “Don’t bother them. It’s not important.”

Mitch sighed at that. “Harry, it is important. You had a panic attack during the show. Something is hurting you and that worries us. And you know that the lads would do anything for you. You wouldn’t be bothering them.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to worry you guys or to mess up the concert.”

Mitch closed his eyes at that and chuckled humorlessly. “Harry you have nothing to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing. Sarah, Clare, Adam and I love you and are worried about you. We just want you to be OK and so do the fans, Jeff and everyone else. Especially Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall.”

Harry gave his friend a weak smile. “I’m OK now. I think I just need some sleep.”

Mitch arched an eyebrow at the younger man, not looking entirely convinced, but deciding to let it go for now. “OK, bud, let’s get you back to the hotel so you can sleep.”

Harry nodded and stood up shakily. Mitch reached out an arm and wrapped it around Harry’s shoulders, steadying him. “I’ve got you, little brother.”

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- 

Next Day

Harry was sitting out on the balcony of his hotel room when he heard a knock on the door. He was half tempted to ignore whoever it was, not wanting to talk to anybody having already talked himself out by talking with his mom and Gemma and Jeff and the band. The person at the door just frantically kept knocking. Harry sighed and got up. 

The second he opened the door he was bowled over by a body. “What in the…?” Harry yelped in surprise.

“Hazza, baby, are you OK?” Louis asked as he wrapped arms around Harry’s waist. 

“Lou?” Harry asked, confused. “What are you doing here?” 

“We came when we heard about what happened at your concert last night.” Came another voice.

“Li?” Harry was so surprised to see his boyfriends.

“Yes, Harry.” Louis said, helping his younger boyfriend up. “We were worried about you and wanted to be here.”

“Why?” Harry asked timidly. “It’s just… I mean… don’t you guys have other things that you’re busy with?” He really didn’t want them to worry about him or about the fact that he was seeing his ex-boyfriend around everywhere, even when he closed his eyes. 

“You are so much more important right now,” Came another voice. 

Louis, Liam, and Harry all looked up to see Niall and Zayn standing in the doorway, smiling at Harry. They all walked into the room and closed the door. Settling down, Liam took Harry and brought him to sit on his lap. Kissing the younger boy’s forehead, he asked, “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Harry sighed, knowing that he was not going to get out of this. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt before looking up into the expectant eyes of his boyfriends. “I… I’ve been… having nightmares lately.” He looked back down. “About… him…” 

Liam’s arms tightened around Harry and he could see Niall, Zayn, and Louis out of the corner of his eye, clenching their fists. 

“Why haven’t you called one of us?” Louis questioned as he took Harry’s hand into his. 

“He called me the other night,” Niall admitted as he ran a hand through his hair. “I had no idea that it was this bad though. That there have been multiple nightmares.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered looking back down.

“Hey, none of that now.” Zayn said. “You never have anything to be sorry for to us. We just love you and wish you would talk to us about these things.”

Harry leaned his head against Liam’s chest. “There… there’s more.” The men surrounding him stiffened. 

“What do you mean more?” Zayn asked, dreading the answer.

“The reason… the reason that I had a panic attack last night was because… I saw him. In the audience. He was there and I can’t say for sure but I don’t think that was the first time…”

You could feel the tension in the room at the curly-haired man’s words. No one dared move or speak. They couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Russel was here? And he was stalking Harry? 

“Son of a bitch.” Louis yelled as he stood up from his seat on the couch. He angrily kicked the wall causing Harry to flinch. Liam immediately began to rub soothing circles on his back. 

“I knew we should have pressed charges back then.” Zayn shouted, just as furious. “We never should have let those clowns we called a management team bully you into not pressing charges. Maybe then this bastard would be in jail and nowhere near you.”

“Zayn! Louis! You need to calm down now.” Niall said sternly as he walked over to Harry. He placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “It’s OK, Haz.” He whispered quietly. “No one is mad at you and we certainly are not going to let that twat anywhere near you.”

Even after all this time, Harry still was terrified when anyone started yelling even if it wasn’t directed at him. His shaking stopped when he heard Niall’s soft words. 

Louis and Zayn looked guilty as they apologized to Harry. Harry gave them a small tired smile. “It’s OK, guys. I promise.” Zayn and Louis hugged him close and kissed his forehead. 

“So, you’re absolutely sure it was him?” Liam asked as he turned Harry’s head so the younger boy was looking right at him. 

Harry shuddered and nodded as he thought about those eyes again. “Yes. I am. He was there.” Harry started to shake again at the thought of that. 

“Haz…” Liam said softly as he tightened his arms around Harry again. The other men in the room all joined the hug, keeping Harry in the middle. “Niall is right. We are not letting him anywhere near you. He’ll have to go through us first.”

Harry chuckled at that and cuddled closer to Liam. “I know. I know I can count on you guys for anything. I love you.”

“We love you too, Haz.” Louis said, carding a hand through the soft curls on Harry’s head. 

It was silent for a while as the five cuddled. Harry was ready to fall asleep, but he knew there was one more thing to talk about. “I should tell Jeff and the others about this huh?” 

Niall leaned back and looked Harry in the eyes. “I absolutely think that you should, especially if Russel is out there but it is up to you. Only if you feel comfortable with telling him.”

The other lads agreed with Niall and Harry nodded as he sank back against Liam. “We should tell them now. Otherwise I think I might lose my nerve.” Harry replied. 

“We’ll be right there with you, Harry.”

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~-

“This asshole did what to you?” Mitch asked in anger. 

Harry was sitting, surrounded by his boys, Jeff and his band as he recounted everything that had happened with Russel and his old management team. Harry had just told them about how the management team for One Direction had forced Harry to stay quiet because they didn’t want the band’s reputation to be ruined. 

Jeff was shaking in anger. Harry, someone he had become really close to and who he viewed as a friend, had been hurt and had his trust betrayed by those who were supposed to take care of him. What kind of assholes did that? To a kid no less?

Mitch wasn’t doing any better and neither were Sarah, Clare, and Adam. 

“That’s bullshit.” Clare growled out. “They should have been more concerned about Harry, then the band’s damn reputation.” 

“I agree,” Louis said as he rubbed a hand up and down Harry’s back. 

“And you’ve seen this guy at one of our shows?” Adam asked in concern. 

Harry nodded quietly. “At the show last night.”

Adam nodded and smiled reassuringly at Harry. “We can up security and make sure he comes no where near you.” 

“Adam is absolutely right. Do any of you have a picture of him?” Jeff asked, getting down to business. 

“I do,” Zayn replied as he pulled out his phone. “As soon as Harry told us he saw him, I went onto his Facebook and got a picture of him to show security.”

Jeff nodded and gave his number to Zayn so the Bradford man could send him the picture. Sarah looked over Jeff’s shoulder as the picture downloaded and gasped.

“I’ve seen him.” She said. 

Harry’s head snapped up at that and he visibly paled. “You have?”

“Yes, a month ago.” She said looking at the picture. “He was in that bar that we were in in Texas.” 

Harry began shaking and Liam was quick to wrap his arms around him. “He was that close?” Harry whispered. “And I didn’t know?”

Jeff looked at Harry and knelt in front of him. “We are going to up your security and, it’s up to you, we can get a restraining order against him.”

Harry looked surprised at that and Jeff sighed, “The only thing I care about right now is your safety and making sure that this asshole doesn’t hurt you again. We can figure everything out as we go along.”

Harry nodded at that. He leaned away from Liam and hugged Jeff. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

Jeff hugged him back. “Of course, Curly.” 

~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~- ~-

Louis, Liam, Zayn and Niall ended up staying with Harry for a month after that, not really willing to leave Harry until Russel was dealt with. Jeff, Mitch and the others also kept a close eye on Harry, making sure that he had someone to talk to at all times and that his panic attacks never got too bad. Security did end up catching Russel violating his restraining order and they had him arrested.

Harry was forever grateful for everything the lads, Jeff and his other friends had done for him. He felt safe and loved and he felt more confident in his decision everyday to come out with the truth about his past abuse. It was hard for him to get through it on air, but, with the boys there, he made it through.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I hope you liked it baby! As always, send in prompts to hazza-bearstyles.tumblr.com/ask or in the comments! I love you all! XxxOoo


End file.
